I was here

I was here
There
Trying not to be saved
Couldn’t save myself
I was at that party
At that club
Dancing on the dance floor
Sweat staining the tip of my jeans and underwear
Thinking I would be young forever
I was here
In dark corners flirting for erect favors
On my knees, pants at ankles
Cruising parks
Sniffing poppers
Puffing cigarettes
At Man’s country, the spa
Follies in DC
Studs bookstore
Couldn’t be saved
Wasn’t trying to save myself
Thinking I’d be young forever
Early morning free clinics before work on Tuesday
I was there
Here
Painful shots in the ass for taking it up the ass
Couldn’t be saved
Wasn’t trying to save myself
In the hospital for two weeks
Then back at the drug house after discharge
Trying to charge
Youth is just credit
Wasn’t trying to save myself
Couldn’t be saved
I was high
Smoking that 420, partying and playing 24/7
Up for four days
Drinking just to calm the nerves
On the streets
Asleep at the bus stop
Homeless
Selling body for a hamburger
I was there
Here
Decided I had enough
Youth was just a lie
Wasn’t so invincible
I was here
Razor blade to the wrists
Didn’t think I could keep living that way I was
And I was right
Killed that life
But my soul survived to breathe new life
In a body that tells its story on his skin
That I was here
Once pressed against his lips
Maybe we were friends
Maybe we just fucked
You were there