Day 2: The Purpose Driven Life

"You are not an accident"

Beginning day 2 in the purpose driven life it was nice to know that i'm not an accident. I first had some issues with accepting my mother and father. I always considered myself somewhat of a mistake or life as somewhat of a mistake given all the bullshit that happened to me in my childhood. It's very hard to accept or even consider that my rape, abuse, abadonment, more abuse, neglect was all for a reason. I didn't know if i could believe in that type of god.

chapter 2 in the purpose driven life talks about long before i was conceived by my parents, i was conceived in the mind of god. I decided to stick with my orginal train of thought and take the book philisophically rather than literal. There's so much bad shit going on in the world. The other day i read on the CNN website that some five year old kid was beaten and then burned alive. HE survived but would have to live the rest of his life with the scars:mentallly, phyiscally and spiritually. I think that child would always question god. I think that child when it's older will alway ask if god thought of him before he was born why didn't god protect him. Why doesn't God protect many of us?

I'm gay and wasn't the most masculine kid on my block, why didn't god protect me from the harassment? and now that i'm grown, i've been the victim of gay bashing a couple of times, why wasn't i protected? If god concieved of me before i was born, he obviously knew what i was going to be, so why is it the so called conversative christians always question thier own God?



I think the second chapter is more about trust, that no matter what man does with my life, my life was never an accident. I think God in itself it's not the pain or reaction of life, but life itself, how it doesn't discriminate, that there are no illegimate children. We are born. We didn't ask. We are born. It's the living that makes it hard. It's the living that tests faith. I think the second chapter gave me great insight to understand teh difference between god and man.

THe question i'm spposed to consider is "I know that God uniquely created me. Qhat ares of my personality, background, and physical appearace am i struggling with?"

As a black gay man borned in the ghetto, the answer should be simple. I don't think i ever struggled to accept my physical form and it's characteristics, I think it's always been faith. I don't ever think i considered myself or life an accident, i questioned the reasoning for some of the pain. I questioned why my father had to die or why did my mother get addicted to crack. I questioned the poverty.

I don't belive everything happens for a reason. I believe there's a difference between god and man. I no longer think of God as the details, like war or racisim, i think of God as the universe, that its big and getting bigger everyday and we're just specks of dust in it, none of it accidental.