Day 5: The purpose Driven Life

Chapter 5

“Seeing life from God’s View”

This is my most favorite day. I thought about this day for two days. I understand this day. I understand how I think I am and what I must do.

I wrote about it a little in Day 3. I wrote about how I turned my back on god.

“How do I see my life” In the last couple of days it’s been so complicated. In the last month it’s been so confusing. I was trying to prove so much to so many people. I wanted them to know that I was a good writer but they weren’t reading. It wasn’t until I understand that Steven Fullwood hadn’t read my book that I begin to understand “how do I see my life” because I wasn’t attractive to him: he didn’t want to suck my dick or fuck me, nor did he want to read my blogs or get into me. I couldn’t understand the manipulation. I couldn’t understand what he wanted from me so I had to threaten him. I had to make sure he understood I was leveling him. I had to make sure that we would never speak again.

And I was angry. I read his shit. I read his book. I read his website and he didn’t even take the time. He bought my book and that would be cool if he was just another trick. But he bought my book as writer and he didn’t even read and that was the worse insult.

I couldn’t understand it. Something I still can’t understand. I can’t understand how I love someone who did everything he was supposed to do. Why did I stay when I knew to begin with his heart was someone else? Why did I stay? Why did I make a case? Why am I not letting it go? What point am I proving? More importantly why?


I’m trying to see life from God’s view. Yes I fell in love with a preacher’s boy, but he didn’t’ teach anything about God. Sunday morning and I got fat lip.



I want to see my life differently. I have been thinking about my life differently. I’m beginning my life differently. I don’t see myself in the prison anymore. Because understand the prison now. I don’t see myself in the prison anymore. My rebellion is not about the prison anymore. I see my life in the university. I don’t understand why others don’t want the education anymore. I don’t understand why others keep the education from me. Is it not because they’re no teachers. Is it because they are spies. They are dictators. I don’t want those people in my university. We will not get along.
Day 5 I accept what god view of me is. It’s like a wrestling match. To think I actually fell for a preachers boy when I was preachers boy, told I would grow to be a preacher. But we are not the same. God will give me another door. I just hope for him he can live with who he is. I can’t live with