What makes a racist

The Theme of Dharma Practice
"The foundation and initial goal of [our] transformation is avoiding doing harm to others. Whether alone or with others, we must strive to avoid doing harm either directly with our words or deeds or indirectly with our thoughts and intentions. We may injure others with abuse, slander, sarcasm, and deceit, or by acts of omission due to insensitivity and thoughtlessness. The most subtle way of harming others is indirectly by means of our thoughts, judgments, and attitudes. When the mind is dominated by hostility, we may be viciously attacking others with our thoughts. Although no apparent injury may be inflicted, these thoughts affect us internally and influence our way of interacting with others, and the long-term effect is invariably harmful. So the initial theme of Dharma practice is a nonviolent approach to our own lives, to other living beings, and to our environment. This is a foundation for spiritual practice, and can provide well-being for both ourselves and others. On this basis of nonviolence we can look for ways to serve others keeping in mind that any work will be altruistic if our motivation is one of kindness and friendliness. --B. Alan Wallace"


I had a friend many years ago back in Texas who got into a relationship with a white guy. Being from Texas I got used to a lot of overt racism, I mean people coming right out and saying it in your face. I have never been personally been called a “nigger’ but I been made to feel like one.

My friend who is which I had no problem with him dating a white guy I felt was in the strangest relationship. His boyfriend was always using some type of racial epitaph around him. Or saying something that could be conceived very racist. At first I thought my friend was progressively human, that he didn’t take his racist boyfriends comments that serious. I mean, after all the white guy only dated black men. I figured he couldn’t be that racist. Yet, it always bothered me that their entire relationship was based on the fact my friend was black and that somehow gave the white guy permission to be rude and racially insensitive.

I have dated many white guys. My first boyfriend was white and hot. I met him at a foam party in a club. At first I was disturbed that he only dated black guys, but he grew up in a black neighborhood, went to black schools, so it was just like dating any other black person. The only problem I had with him was that he was very clingy. The thing I loved about him, I never felt black around him. We were in a colorful relationship. Actually race never came up.

Many years later, I dated another white guy, this time, older. He was very much older in his late forties. He used to go on and on how he loved my black skin. I felt like a commodity with him. He was always pointing out some black guy on TV or the streets. I tried to be open minded. Yet, I was completely turned off by him. We never had sex. And then that “gold digger” song came out. He used to play it all the time in his car just so that he could say the word “nigga.” I didn’t get it. I couldn’t even understand why it was so important.

I know black guys who are very adamant about never dating white men. I have a friend who if I told I ever had sex with a white guy would never speak to me again. But he’s an asshole so it wouldn’t matter.

I have been thinking what makes a racist a racist. Is it the insensitivity? I don’t throw around the word racist because I think it’s a legal term. It’s someone abusing their position of power. The dictionary defines racism as “The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability”

I have another friend, and I like this friend, I think he’s cool. He is the reason for this blog because our conversations tend to be racially focused sometimes. He’s boyfriend is black. He only dates black. He has a saying that he’s “black by injection” I’m like just because you got fucked by a lot of black guys don’t make you black. Yet, I don’t say anything. I take the snide racially toned comments and think to myself it’s nothing personal. And then I think to myself, is this going to be our relationship like what I had with Richard and like my friend had with his boyfriend. I mean, is he a racist and don’t know it. Or is he just racially insensitive?
Being from the south, I know a lot of god white people who just flat out racist and didn’t know it. They smile in your face and call you nigger behind your back. I think racism is a sneaky disease. Somebody people don’t even know they have it.