Shot term memory lost.

Somebody asked me what I did last Thursday. I went into my head, and suddenly there was just darkness like something had gotten erased. I knew there was a last Thursday, but I couldn’t remember it. But it’s been happening on and on again.

Four years ago, I woke up on the ground. I remember spitting out blood. I remember spitting my teeth in my mouth. I remember the cops shining a light in my eyes, asking me if I was okay. I couldn’t remember where I was. It was like something got erased. I try to remember that night but it’s not there in my head.

I remember the fight. I remember that Halloween night being very angry at my lover. I remember the costume I wore. But after that, it goes blank.
I was told somebody beat the shit out of me. When I woke up that morning, I was in so much pain. I don’t even remember how I got home. I just remember waking up again. I found out that I had three cracked ribs and four teeth kicked out of my mouth. And then I remember spitting blood in my hands and the teeth. I went to the hospital. The doctor asked me what happened. I told him, I didn’t remember. It’s because I didn’t remember.

Did I really hit my head that hard on the sidewalk? Now, four years later it’s scaring me because it’s like blocks of time in my life are gone. I can’t remember what happened last week. There are people who say they know me, but when I go in my head, they are not there. I can remember long term things. I know my social security number. I know my third grade teacher’s name. Yet, I can’t remember if I woke up last Tuesday. I know I did, because I’m still here.

Maybe I wasn’t okay that horrible night when I was kicked and beaten that night. I couldn’t pick any of those guys out in the line-up. Maybe I’m still not okay. This lesbian told me she saw what happened. She said it was the most horrific thing she’s seen in her life. She said they just beat and kicked me like I was some dog. I’ve wondered what I did to piss them off. I don’t remember.