What if Britney died?

Sitting at home because I have this year’s flu and got pneumonia, I’m gifted with many hours of just watching bad television and surfing the web. As I flipped through the channels, I see on E and VH1 the latest Britney drama. I get on the web and on most of the information sites: yahoo, msn, there’s something about Britney. On the morning talk shows they are talking about Britney. That perezhilton.com guy is obsessed with Britney along with TMZ. And I’m thinking why the fuck should I care?

I admit I was a little bit intrigued in the beginning, the cutting off all her hair, her crazy mood swings, in and out of rehab. It reminded me of my youth. And then it turns sick, her kids got involved, she lost them, paparazzi followed her every move. They started saying she was mentally ill. The freak show turned into a countdown to another Anna Nicole situation.

I don’t know Britney personally. I’m not even a fan; well I did buy her last album because it was good.

Part of me loved the downfall because the machine at first made her to be such “virgin saint” and then tore her apart. I never thought her career would last past her 21st birthday. She has no real personality or direction. The real Britney Spears is just an employee of the Britney Spears image. It’s like she goes to work like the rest of us when she puts on that blonde wig, acts sexy, say what her latest manager tells her to say and then clocks out.

The problem has been the real Britney has been bringing her home problems to work. It’s like me showing up to work on Monday not trying to hide my hangover. When I’m at work, I’m employee, nobody at my job knows I’m bipolar, nobody at my job know what I really did with my weekend. It’s important for me to protect the reputation that let me pay my bills. But I guess with a person like Britney, she’s made enough money on that image, she doesn’t need to protect it anymore.

So what if Britney died? I don’t think I would be that sad. I’d be shocked of course like when Health Ledger died. I would still get up and go to work. I don’t think I would learn anything.

I think Britney teaches me about reality. I read all the stories and I’m like it must be awful to be so disconnected from your life. To not have any real control. I don’t look at Britney just as some pop star that everyone has said “yes” too. I look at her as a person who never exercised “no” or been forced.

Britney make me say to myself, what is life. I mean with all the money and unlimited resources, why isn’t that happiness. I think it’s sick. I go to work everyday just to survive and I keep thinking if I just win the lottery I be happy because I wouldn’t have to struggle. But then I look at Britney and I know it’s more than just money or fame. It’s life. It’s what I’m doing with my life.

If Britney died, I say good riddens, because it’s sad to see her waste her life. It just makes me want to pay more attention to mine.