If you got your health…

Old folks growing up would always say, if you got your health, you got everything. I never really understood what that meant because I was always a healthy child. I just thought life was a big playground as if the sun shines everyday.

But sometimes it rains, thunderstorms and scary situations. I mean 70 tornadoes attacked Alabama and nothing is the same anymore. That’s how I feel about health. I mean it could be all normal then a medical thing happens.

Well I’m sick, at home for the week suffering from pneumonia. I can barely eat, coughing all the time and a lot of vomiting. I wish things go back to normal because I hate being sick. In the middle of the storm, it feels as if I’m never going to be better. As if there will be no more sunny days. I sit staring out the window, jealous of others who are well and can go to work or fly a kite in a park.

I also think of my life as I cough hysterically like I’m about to vomit something vile have I been wasting my life. I think about what if I died and how the process would be to notify friends and family. I think about if my family will honor my will and cremate me because I never put it in writing. I think about my unhappiness and if I had more time what would I do different.

It’s hard because living a good life isn’t so easy. I mean I watch Oprah and I read a lot of self-help books, but I still feel trapped by my job, my past, my own issues and addictions.

I ask myself when this virus passes, would I have my health when it’s sunny again. I mean even if I’m not coughing or shivering with a fever, am I living a healthy life.

I think the term if you got your health you have everything just doesn’t mean not being sick. I think it means if you’re living a life you love, you got everything. So many days of sun in my thirty years of life, but many of them I was passed out drunk or something worse.

As I take my antibiotics, I’m glad I’m reflecting on not just healing my body but also healing my soul. I want my life to be healthy. Being sick reminds me how fragile life is, and I know I’m rushing to get well so I can go back to work and not worry about losing my job. But getting sick was a way of telling me to slow down. It was a way to make me look at what it really means to breathe.

I’ve been miserable all week, in and out of the hospital, thinking the universe was punishing me. But this is just another lesson.

When I get better, I will re-read this post and be reminded, enjoy the simple day. Because I know I would give anything to just eat a burger. Or hang out with my friends. Or go walking on a beach. Or stop and smell a flower. It’s so simple life. It’s so simple and the things I would give anything for don’t cost money. It’s not about my ego. It’s not about proving anything. I just want a sunny day and bask in its glory.

So for those of you who are well, breathe in and for a second enjoy it. I need to remind myself daily to enjoy my life. It's so short and fragile and we only know that when we lose our health.