Today is a good day

A friend of mine said he was reading old blogs of mine and noticed that I’ve been going through recovery since 2005. I laughed. I call those the crazy years. Actually I didn’t start recovery until September of 2007 and didn’t get serious about it until January 2008.

I believe everyone goes through their own journey in recovery. I used to think it was about being fixed. I understood why Amy Winehouse rebelled about not going to rehab. I just thought the world wanted to change me and I didn’t want to change. I thought I was having fun. I didn’t want to become lame or conformed. Everybody would say that I needed to get some help but I thought that just meant they wanted me to be somebody else’s problem.

I find it funny when I see celebrities on television boast about how much sober time they accumulated like Tatem Oneil running to an AA meeting after she was busted for trying to score crack. I think it would’ve been wiser to have gone to the meeting before the crack run. I don’t believe rehab or AA is the “save all” unless the person seeking enlightment and freedom from their addiction is willing to surrender their ego and deal with the real issues.

I used to think it was about the alcohol, the physical bottle and that tempting liquid inside. I never really got passed the first step in AA because I never believed that I was powerless against alcohol. It wasn’t like somebody was holding a gun to my head. Yet, I do believe alcohol affects people differently. I know I can’t just have one drink. I know it takes a longer time and more alcohol for me to really feel it and by that time I’m already drunk. But I have never been powerless. The fact that I can stay sober for good periods of time is a testament of my power. I understand the pitfalls. Yet, they are the urges and some days the voice is louder than others. I learned what my triggers are and how to be preventive.

I guess I started blogging about my addiction as a reminder of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. Yes, I still drink occasionally. I still working on it. But I haven’t lost my sanity. I used to drink with no knowledge or introspectiveness. It’s like having a disease and knowing nothing about it. First, I think it’s the diagnosis and then it’s the recovery.