When you turn thirty and ghetto, too many black gay men aint got their own place, either cheating on somebody or staying with somebody that's more than just rent, like there isn't any sex in the champagne room, there ain't a thing as the roommate; it's just a hard dick inconvenient truth.
You can no longer call your friends at 3 in the morning about some weak trick, they're usually sleeping or getting ready for work or your girl friends burping babies or playing wife and the college party friends have become reborn Christians or republicans and you only left to the drunks at the bar, so here’s the AA number.
All gay relationships are testaments too bratty ass kids compromising, somebody got to be dependent or it ain’t going to work.
When you turn thirty years old, you're an automatic top. That's stupid.
When you turn thirty, no more free drugs or liquor, unless you're willing to play like you're dumb again or get fucked raw. And the drug dealer no longer takes credit.
When you turn thirty years old, the hunt for sex becomes a bitch, with work, and working out and having to maintain friendships or a career, casual sex takes a lot of free time that could be better used for cleaning the house or writing that novel. So sex after thirty years old is more direct, no foreplay, if he don’t tell you he’s fucking in the first fifteen seconds, move on.
When you turn thirty years old, porn stops being so sexy when everybody looks like their sixteen years old and a crack head. Also porn becomes a reminder that you’re not using your gym membership which distracts the jacking and dries up the lube. Also, you learn with porn there are only really two good minutes of worthy lotion time that you have to keep rewinding.
When you turn thirty years old, bartenders are assholes and don't like broke black people.
When you turn thirty years old, paying twenty bucks to get into a club is like not buying your next bottle of poppers when everybody is fucking in the parking lot anyway or wasting money that could’ve been better spent on a good bag of weed. I see you in the parking lot.
When you turn thirty years old, threesomes feel like a gang rape. Two aggressive tops feeding off their aggressiveness treating the bottom like a slutty cheerleader getting raped by two hyper-DL freaks, but when you’re thirty, it’s more difficult to play Buffy the dick slayer.
When you thirty years old and still a bottom and you’ve figured out you're not the girl, that you get attracted to toys and used them alone, and soon as your ass become your own, he starts raping the newest eighteen year old who has to go through the entire process of learning how to clean, take dick, open up. When you’re thirty years old and still a bottom, just when it starts feeling good, suddenly you're too old, they say stupid shit when the see your large sex toys "so what does my dick do for you" like what did you dick every do for me except get hard and got off. Man, it's not about your dick. It's about the fucking ride. Some idiot once told me if you're going to be a good bttm your priority should be the dick, making it stay hard but he was like 50, that's like a full time job and i got shit to do with my life.
When you’re thirty years old and a top, your dick becomes your gun, even if you’re not that masculine or aggressive, for some reason you become an animal when fucking, it’s like you got to treat every hole like your bitch or slut.
When you’re thirty years old, why are so many black escorts like 22-25, like they know their dick, it's like blinding a horse and having sex with it, maybe that's the point.
When you’re thirty years old, cockrings are the new engagement rings in gay life. I get so excited when a trick brings me lube or poppers or a new cockring. It’s like bring me chocolate and roses.
When you’re thirty years old, the truth about drugs, they can be cool but most people don't make it cool, are idiots and broke. With drug life, you can't trust most tricks or leave them out of your sight. And party and play is most likely placid and petrified, or posing and flaccid, or he's a drug whore or crack head or he's just hitting you up to see if you got drugs, when you're looking yourself.
After 30, there’s no such thing a free drink or drug
When you turn thirty years old, you don't have to go to the gym, you can always starve; get a drug habit, because no matter how you get thin, it's a must for being successfully gay.
When you turn thirty years old, the internet is not about sex most of the time, it's about patience being tested and jacking off alone.
When you turn thirty, if he doesn't tell you he's fucking in the first fifteen seconds, he just wants attention. I hate anyone asking why you like me, it's because you have a dick and hopefully it gets hard.
When you turn thirty and black and gay, there's no such thing as the white men who don't see color. He sees black dick. He sees a black hole. He sees contrast. It’s most likely a fetish, a collection.
When you turn thirty years old, everybody got a fucking opinion on how you should be living right, not living right, what they could do better, how you should buy their self help book.
When you turn thirty years old, money becomes blood, and there are so many fucking vampires especially when the drugs or liquor aren't free anymore.
When you turn thirty years old, you understand that you weren’t' cute at 21, you were just stupid with a dick that got hard if grandma farted.
When you turned thirty years old, you most likely formed some type of addiction.
After 30, I really haven't met a man that hasn't lied about something. Most of the shit people put in the their profile, no fems, fats, old heads, is only porn, real life is often way too desperate, trust me, if the lights are dark enough and the dick is hard enough, it’s what people do when nobody is watching is the truth.
When you turn thirty years old, you realize as much money as we as gay men spend on clothes, gym memberships, sports cars, lube, condoms, fisting gloves, poppers, weed, drugs, will be enough to send three kids to a very good college yet we learn nothing.
When you turn thirty years old, you’re going to demand a new gay contract, because worshipping youth or going out to clubs get old real quick. You now have mortgages, boring friends, and trying to live a long life without getting really really bitter.
When you turn thirty years old, in the middle you realize, young gays, 18-25 are just as stupid as old gays 40-65, the only difference somebody is paying and somebody wants to get paid.
And lastly, very few people like sucking dick, it's a courtesy, it's foreplay, but every man likes getting his dick sucked, you're only deep throating his ego and he will let you suffocate for it. If you can form a life of either somebody always sucking your dick and doing less dick sucking, you have a successful gay life. But the best thing about 30, is that the sex is so much better. you know what you're doing, you know what you want, you know how to get yourself off even if he don't and you know how to get him out of your apartment.
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